So true. There is definitely a double standard for marginalized groups. Women, people of color, etc. definitely have more rules put on their behavior to “be likeable”. In this way, likeability becomes a way to control us. For example: “Don’t make boys feel less smart than you.” “Don’t be overly competitive if you are a woman.” “Don’t talk about race, it makes White folks uncomfortable…” It’s all a big sham.
There comes a time when you have to decide: Are you more interested in being your own amazing authentic self? Or, are you more interested in being likeable? I’ve come to realize that if people need me to be some kind of fake, moderated, version of myself (that isn’t really me) they don’t really like me anyway. I’m also cutting myself off from being truly liked by people who can really appreciate me.